Trump 2016

Today, on the way to work, I saw a man with down syndrome crying on the side of the street, I stopped and asked him if he was crying because he had down syndrome, and he said “No, I’m just very worried that Donald Trump is going to become President. I’m worried that there aren’t enough people on Facebook saying he is bad. People need to know he is bad. We can’t have a bad President.”

“Phew!” I exclaimed, having the weight of a thousand homeless down syndrome lifted off my shoulders. “Don’t worry about that! Everyone is saying it, AND everyone is acting like they’re the first person to say it.

All those arguments people used to have about how it was a ridiculous trope to compare someone to Hitler? Out the window! All those times we said ‘Bill O’Reilly doesn’t actually think that, he’s just saying it because he knows his fans think that’ have been forgotten! We’re in a huge panic, and we’re doing our best to convince our parents and the ‘parents of society’ that Trump, is indeed, worse than Hitler. But, it isn’t working.

It isn’t working because we blamed everything bad in our lives on the past generation, our parents, society, corporations, and the patriarchy. No one will take our pleas seriously! Everyone we are yelling to knows that Donald Trump is bad, and they know we deserve it. We deserve bad things for our tweets. We tweet constantly, and about nothing. We deserve bad things for our Kickstarters demanding people pay for our leisure activities. We deserve bad things for constantly complaining about a volunteer hobby we have! We deserve it for thinking that we’re the victims after we chose to get a degree in basket weaving, didn’t understand how loan interest worked, refused to get a job, back-packed around Europe, and now it’s a little difficult to swing rent. Who could respect the political opinions of people who communicate primarily through gifs of Kanye West? And those were the rational people we were trying to convince! There’s a whole shitload of crazy racist xenophobes that love him even more when he says outlandish stuff! We are just helping him get to the middle ground he so desperately needs to win.

So yes, Gorky (I assumed his name was Gorky), we do know that Trump is bad, but he will be our president, and we fucking deserve it. Also, you better start acting normal so you don’t get thrown into one of the camps they’re probably gonna make for you guys.”

The tears he shed let me know that I helped. That I was a hero, and that I was right. I left him there in the cold, a little wiser, and a little more world-ready.

Godspeed, Gorky.

Trump 2016.